If you have more than one child, chances are high that you have encountered sibling rivalry. It can manifest in various forms such as arguments, physical fights, tattling, name-calling, competition, comparisons, taking each other’s belongings, and other actions. Sibling rivalry is quite normal and even unavoidable. While it is possible to reduce the bickering, you will not be able to eliminate it completely. Surprisingly, there are some benefits to sibling rivalry, as it can help children learn to handle power struggles, compromise, resolve conflicts, establish boundaries, be assertive, and more.
The main aim should not be to eradicate sibling rivalry but rather to use the conflicts as learning opportunities, tapping into the positive aspects that can arise from them and improving sibling relationships. Simultaneously, you can introduce rules, structure, and sibling bonding activities to reduce unhealthy and excessive sibling conflict.
Tips for Reducing Sibling Rivalry
1. Set Family Rules
In collaboration with your children, create and post clear family rules that can help reduce conflicts. These rules might include no hitting, using words to resolve issues, asking before using another’s belongings, calling each other by their names rather than mean words, and similar guidelines.
2. Foster Empathy and Kindness
Empathy and kindness are skills that can be taught. Help your children recognize and understand other people’s emotions by modeling these values yourself and celebrating when you see them demonstrating such behavior. Use specific language to acknowledge acts of kindness like saying, “You helped your sister tie her shoes. Well done!” This positive reinforcement encourages more such behavior.
3. Practice Listening
When a fight erupts, the first step is to listen to both children individually before suggesting a solution. Children calm down when they feel heard. Allowing them to express their side of the story without immediately telling them what to do can significantly reduce tension and teach them to approach situations with maturity.
4. Avoid Comparisons
Understand that each child is unique with their own strengths. This can be a great start to helping siblings get along. Avoid comparing them to one another, and instead, celebrate their individuality. Spend one-on-one time with each child, engaging in activities they enjoy. This helps them understand the value of differences and teaches them to respect one another without making fun.
5. Set Boundaries
If children resort to hitting or using offensive language, firmly tell them to stop, warning that both will face consequences if it continues. Make it clear that violent and disrespectful behavior is unacceptable and will lead to repercussions. Establishing these rules ensures everyone knows how to manage conflicts appropriately.
6. Stay Away from The Blame Game
Rather than blaming one child for starting a fight, recognize that both children play a role in the conflict. It is important that your children understand that if both are involved, both will face the consequences equally.
7. Use Calming Techniques
When tempers rise, it might be necessary to give the children some time apart to cool off before resolving the issue. Separate them by sending them to different areas of the home to calm down. Do not label this as a time-out but frame it as a necessary step before addressing the problem. For instance, you could say, “We’ll work on solving this together, but first, you need to take a few minutes to cool down.”
Way Forward
Instead of aiming to eliminate sibling rivalry altogether, focus on creating a safe, structured, and connected home environment. Use sibling squabbles as opportunities to teach your children important life skills such as emotional regulation, problem-solving, conflict resolution, and assertiveness. Even though disagreements will still occur, your children will develop healthier ways to handle them.
Understanding sibling rivalry and managing sibling conflict will help you guide your children toward resolving issues independently. Encouraging open expression of thoughts and feelings, alongside spending quality family time, will help them learn essential skills like sharing and effective communication. Allowing each child to pursue their own interests equally will foster the growth of strong and healthy sibling relationships.
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